by Jack Krampitz

As the years have gone by, it has been very touching to me that so many people who I don’t even know have reached out to me in a sincere effort to try to improve my life.

For one example, dozens, perhaps even hundreds, of learned doctors and scientists have emailed me to let me know that they really care about my welfare and want to help me lose weight. Each one has developed a non-prescription pill that I only need to take three times a day. Each doctor has discovered a different formula, but they all guarantee that their formulation will help me lose 20 pounds in a month and 35 pounds by summer. And here is the amazing part- I don’t need to exercise or change my diet one iota! 

These miracle workers can send me one bottle of their formula for $59.95, but if I order six bottles today(supply is limited), I can get them for an amazing bargain of $349.97.

I can now report to you my incredible success story. In the past three years, I have ordered 265 various bottles of these miracle weight-loss pills, and I have lost 2.34 pounds and 1/17 of an inch off my waist.

Already, I can tell that I have inspired you to take action in your own life. But wait- there are more things you can do to protect yourself and your family. For example, did you know that the warranty on your car has probably expired. I was getting seven phone calls a day to warn me of the dire consequences of not extending my car’s warranty. I could lose my life’s savings if I didn’t act immediately.

So, inspired by my weight-loss victory, I had the brainstorm of extending my warranty with 52 different companies. Therefore, if I need a new transmission for $4,000.00, I will collect $208,000.00 from my warranty companies.

So far, my car is running fine, but I will be living on easy street if the car ultimately breaks down. And I am only on my 3rd home equity loan to pay for the warranties.

And all of this brings me to my greatest success story yet. As happens with many men my age, I have been suffering from some male-pattern baldness (see photo).

 But just last year I saw a Facebook advertisement where a renowned doctor in Texas, Dr. Hirsute Yurning, identified the only hair that grows for me anymore. Of course, that would be the hair in my ears and nose. He guaranteed to transform my ear and nose hair into a full head of hair in three months through his rapid transplant process. Of course, because the regime is so revolutionary, insurance does not cover it, but my cost would only be $157,342.67. 

I knew it was a little over-priced, but I had to try.

I am so proud to report that the process worked, as evidenced by the latest photo of me below. Obviously, it was worth every cent.

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

You will be amazed!

Here it is- a miracle if ever there was one!

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